My Baby was diagnosed in May with Type 1 Diabetes, we were literally about to move to Japan, Our movers had come the morning before we ended up in the ER. Because of this we went into crisis mode real quick, we had to stop our stuff, we had to deal with my husbands job (US military) and see if we could get his relocation canceled. We had so many people telling us we were handling it (his diagnosis) so well. But I think we were in shock, and trying to deal with canceling our move, and that overshadowed the feelings associated with the diagnosis.
Now we are a few months out and I am find myself getting upset and angry, not at my son, but at the lost opportunities. I am angry that he was dealt this. I am angry that it happened while he was so young. People say it’ll be easier for him because he isn’t going to know any different, he isn’t going to remember a time before diabetes. But I am angry because he never got the chance to not have to worry about his blood sugar, not have to worry about insulin. I’m angry because I worry about caring for him in the future, medical costs, diabetes is expensive, 1 vial of insulin is nearly $300, his insulin pump is like $8,000. We have insurance, but what about when he is on his own? I hope I am wrong, I hope he doesn’t worry about the things I worry about for him. Maybe we will get lucky and in 10 or 15 years they will have a cure.
I feel like our whole lives revolve around blood sugar now. Is he high? Should we take him out because he’s running high? What if we give him too much and his blood sugar crashes? What should we feed him? How many carbs are in that? Do we really want to drive that far, or go to that place, or do that thing, because we will have to deal with his blood sugar. I know we need to still take that drive, go to that place, and do that thing, because he needs to know that it’s okay. But it’s scary to wonder what could happen if we mess up, or if we are unprepared. I always keep his “diabetes bag” with me, it’s got his testing supplies, some snacks if he goes low, and his emergency low kit. But it’s still scary.
Maybe it’s selfish. But I still find myself searching for a way we can move with the kids back to Japan. I am still very upset that we aren’t going back. I wanted the kids to have that experience, I wanted to take my babies to the places we went to, and eat the fun things we ate, to fully immerse them into the Japanese culture that I miss so much. Now I don’t know if they will get that.