Every day it’s a different inner struggle.
I don’t blame anyone, I’m not even that mad anymore that Paul has Type 1 Diabetes.
I mean it sucks, and if I dwell on it long enough I’ll get upset, or angry. But we are doing the best we can with the hand we have been dealt.
And really it could have been worse. I know it’s terrible to ponder upon how much worse things could be, but really, it’s not so bad. Paul has a life long auto immune disease, but he’s alive, and besides the diabetes he’s healthy and he’s happy.
I’m currently sitting up in bed, thinking of ways to procrastinate homework. It’s the middle of the night. My husband is at work. I have two kids and a dog in my bed. It’s not so bad.
I have spent the last 4 months, since his diagnosis, working on adjusting my dreams for our future. I have always had a loose set of plans for what I wanted, where I wanted to go, where I wanted to be, and what I wanted to do. Things have changed, my priorities have re-aligned. I need to make sure we are in a place that we can get the best care for Paul.
Right now, where we are is the best place we can be. We all, as a family, have great medical care, great doctors, and we have amazing resources for Paul. We are comfortable in our home, we are close to a lot of things. As shocking and upsetting as his diagnosis was, this was the best place for it to happen.