We aren’t moving to Okinawa


We were supposed to fly to Okinawa next week. We had planned, gone through all the screenings, gotten passports and airplane tickets, we were ready. A couple of weeks ago, on a Monday morning, the movers came to pack our unaccompanied baggage, which is the stuff we wanted there when we got there. Before this we had all been sick, for about 2 weeks all 4 of us had been fighting a nasty cold. That day baby Paul was really fussy, but he was sick like the rest of us. As the day wore on, the movers came and left with about a quarter of our belongings, the baby seemed okay just cranky.

Later in the afternoon everyone was resting and I took the baby outside to play and I noticed he was randomly gagging, sort of dry heaving. I decided he should nap too. While trying to get him to sleep Paul noticed he was breathing rapidly, shortly after I couldn’t get him to latch on to breastfeed. This was the most concerning symptom because he’s never in his life refused the breast, but it was like he couldn’t latch because he was struggling to breathe.

I rushed him to the ER. I believe they thought he had RSV, he was immediately given a nebulizer, IV fluids and a chest x-ray, which came back normal. The next step was the doctor tested his blood sugar. At that point the doctor told me I needed to call my husband because my baby was going to need to be transferred to the pediatric ICU at the larger medical facility about an hour away. They said he was in Diabetic Ketoacidosis. I didn’t really know what any of this meant, except that he almost surely had Type 1 Diabetes, and if that were true everything was about to change.

Within a few hours we were in an ambulance being transferred to the hospital. Baby was stable but his blood sugar was still way too high, and he still had a huge amount of ketones in his blood, which were basically poisoning his kidneys and liver from what I understand. Once we got to the ICU we quickly met several doctors and nurses which told us there was almost no question he had Diabetes. We spent all night testing babys blood sugar hourly, checking the levels for ketones, and adjusting his insulin and glucose dosages. The first night they wouldn’t let me breastfeed him because they needed to be in control of his glucose and insulin while they rid his body of the ketones that were poising his blood. It was a very long night with pretty much no sleep.

The next few days are a blur. He was officially diagnosed with Type 1 (T1) Diabetes, and we rushed to get him enrolled in the military program that helps our family when we have a family member with special needs; EFMP– Exceptional Family Member Program, we needed to be enrolled so we could try to stop our move to Okinawa because they do not have the military medical professionals on the island to treat insulin dependent diabetes.  We knew right away, with Baby’s diagnosis the kids and I would not be moving, but we were desperately trying to make it so Paul wouldn’t have to go without us.

So that’s why we aren’t moving to Okinawa. I am still very sad, for a lot of reasons. I’ll write another post and finish the story later this weekend. I need to dry my eyes and drink some coffee right now. I’ll leave you with a picture of my precious little boy, being a brave dude with his little robot arm, that protected the only IV line that he didn’t blow out the first few days in the hospital.

Home Made Sauerkraut

A little over a week ago I started some Sauerkraut from scratch.

The recipe I followed was incredibly easy and said that it would be good in 24 hours. So after the time passed I tried it and it was very salty. It didn’t taste like sauerkraut, and it didn’t taste bad, it just tasted like very salty cabbage, I was sure I screwed it up.

My worry sent me to Dr. Google and I googled the shit out of home made sauerkraut. (Further research is something I would suggest doing before trying a recipe that involves science such as fermentation.) I made the decision to remove some of the brine and add water to thin out the saltiness. I read that over salting can slow the fermentation process.


Trying a #diy #sauerkraut #recipe #yum! #food #foodie

A photo posted by Alana 🌺 (@alanamarie26) on

After watering it down a bit I left it alone. Over the course of a week I watched it, as it bubbled, and fermented. I will admit I was concerned that I had a rotting mess of cabbage on my counter top. However after a week I tasted it, and I was very pleased that not only was it good, but it was delicious! For the last couple days I have been eating it on everything.

My #sauerkraut is amazing.

A photo posted by Alana 🌺 (@alanamarie26) on

The finished product is awesome. I especially like it with scrambled eggs.

Sauerkraut is really good for your belly too. It’s got pro-biotics or something that makes your tummy happy.

You can read more about it if you are interested in making your own.

Sonnet’s Kitchen The original recipe I started with
Survival at home– another recipe with good science-y info

Has your Sauerkraut gone bad? – this helped me tremendously.

Dr. Weil
– About Sauerkraut
Health Impact News– Info on Health Benefits
Organic Facts– More info on health benefits

I googled lots of stuff, smelly sauerkraut when I thought it was smelling funny, floating saurkraut when I noticed the cabbage was floating up to the top, all kinds of stuff.

Also I think it’s important to mention, through this whole process I was pretty convinced that I had messed up and it would be terrible, but I kept going and didn’t abandon my kraut. I am very happy I held out because it turned out wonderful.

If you like sauerkraut, even a little, I highly recommend trying your hand at making your own. It really was very easy, and it can last for months.
You could easily do a smaller batch, I used a large head of cabbage, about 3 pounds and I ended up with about 50 oz or so of sauerkraut.

Social Anxiety: People don’t care as much as you think.

Anxiety can make you feel like you are standing alone in the rain, with nowhere to hide.

Totro in the rain

Part of my Anxiety is worrying about what people think of me. I spend a lot of time worrying what people think about me. It used to really bother me, a lot. I have really spent too much time worrying about this. Recently I got over it a little, and it’s a little embarrassing how.

When we first moved here I met a girl, we exchanged phone numbers. She seemed nice enough. But my social anxiety got the best of me and I never called her. I would tell myself that, she never called me either, but I still bothered the hell out of me. I felt guilty, I felt like she must hate me because I never called her. She didn’t really live near us enough to see her often, but she was near enough that it’s very possible I would run into her, and the thought of running into her was terrifying.

After months and months of worrying that she hated me I got a text.

“I just found this number in my phone, how do I know you”

I tried explaining that we had met, and how

“not remembering, sorry, maybe was it blah blah blah”

I explained that no, we met this way, and I was sure

After this she repeated that she had no idea who I was, she sent a few texts after that, trying to remember who I was, but I quit replying. I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to remind someone who I was. I was embarrassed because when I met her our families spent a couple hours together before we parted ways, and she didn’t remember me. I was embarrassed because I had spent MONTHS worrying about whether or not she hated me. There were times when the anxiety about this was awful.

That is when I decided I wasn’t going to worry so much about what people think of me. Because those people you are worrying about, they aren’t spending nearly as much time thinking about you. Every time I think “I wonder if she hates me” or anything of the sort, I remember this situation. I still have the worry about other people liking me, and guilt over not getting together with people, but It’s not nearly as bad now. I guess I owe this girl a thank you.

Dealing with my Anxiety

Screen Shot 2015-07-11 at 9.52.47 PM
Source HeyMonster Tumbler

I have been trying to work through my anxiety for a couple weeks now. I have good days and bad days, but mostly for the last two weeks it’s been a string of bad days. Lots of worrying about things I have no control over, or no say in. Worrying how certain things will go. Worrying about things that have already happened.

Some of the things troubling me are legit, like school. The class I am taking for summer school, I am not doing so well in it. I keep forgetting deadlines, and procrastinating my work. Thankfuly I have a very understanding and flexible teacher. I have done 3 major assignments for this class, and every single one I have missed an important part of the instructions. I am grateful I have been given the chance to correct my mistakes and still get full credit. But this is so unlike me, and it’s been weighing on my a lot.

Screen Shot 2015-07-11 at 9.52.58 PM
Source HeyMonster Tumbler

I have also been putting off some important things because I don’t feel like dealing with people. Like I need my hair cut, bad, and I need to figure out what I am going to do about the color.

I have a long history with Anxiety. But for the better part of the last 3 years I have had a pretty good handle on it. Like i said before, I have good days and bad days. And I am usually pretty good at pulling myself together and working through it. But recently it’s been harder. I have sought out help in the past. But right now my brain is telling me “you can do this on your own, you are going to be okay”

I am working on making some lifestyle changes, which include exercising more, because that seems to help. Plus I just feel better when I am outside moving. I have really shut out the outside world lately. I don’t want to go places, I don’t want to do things, I don’t want to talk to people. Because all those things give me anxiety. I worry about other people, I worry about home when I am not here, I worry about other peoples problems.

But I am working on it. I have two more weeks left of school. I hope to be able to focus a bit more here, and on YouTube, If you don’t follow me over there yet check it out. Lots of silly shit going on.

I’m a little broken

I’ve never broken a bone.


Not even a toe.
(that I know of)

Until now.

I’m in a fitness walking class, and the last couple weeks have gotten intense. The distance has dramatically increased. As have my personal goals. If you follow me on Instagram you know I have been working to increase my distance and speed.

I beat my fastest time! #fastest #runkeeper #crushedit

A photo posted by Alana ? (@alanamarie26) on

I am very sad to say that my goals of finishing my miles for my class, and doing the Camp Pendleton Mud Run next month have been crushed.

I have had some wicked shin pain for a few weeks, Shin Splints I keep telling myself. Stretching helps, but they come back, and last longer, and hurt like a Mo-Fo.

I noticed the pain was really coming from one area, and once all my shin pain had subsided, if I touched, or bumped this one small area, about the size of a pea, it was excruciating. Like reeling back in pain.

I finally got to the doctor and my diagnosis is “probable stress fracture of my tibia” Because I can walk with little to no pain, he wasn’t going to put me through extra appointments and MRI to diagnose because treatment would be the same. But I either have a stress fracture, or I am forming one. So no activity for 2 weeks, then I can try light impact exercise, like cycling or swimming. in 4 weeks I go in to recheck.


And of course now because my hypochondriac ass has a diagnosis, I feel like it starting to hurt constantly, so I must be dying, or the bone is surely getting ready to snap in half.
Which seriously isn’t funny. I had a friend who broke his leg a few years ago, and he spent like WEEKS in the hospital.

So for now I monitor it.
and hope it doesn’t snap in half.

and there goes my hopes of dying an old lady who never broke a bone in her life.

The image attached to this post is not my X-Ray. Mine is somewhere at the Navel Hospital.

I have had a feeling something was wrong

apparently frequent beach days just aren’t enough

Remember back in March I talked about my low vitamin D levels? I really thought that moving to California would solve my problems and I would feel never feel bad again. Unfortunately I was wrong. About 2 months ago I started having some feelings of sluggishness and the occasional dizzy spell. I have also been back on the weight loss bandwagon, I just assumed my issue was dehydration or not enough calories or carbs. It didn’t take long for me to start having shortness of breath again, This was my first clue that my D levels were still messed up.

I finally got around to having my doctor put in an order for the blood work, and I got a call this last week saying, yes my levels were low again. Even though I have been spending more time in the sun, I am still at 25, which my current doctor described as a “grey area” between good and bad. Although he agreed that my symptoms were certainly not typical, they are not out of the realm of possibly related, so I am back on Vitamin D. This time as a lower, over the counter level, I will likely be on this for the foreseeable future. It’s something that I can deal with if it means I will feel better.
I am also hoping that along with helping the shortness of breath, and lethargy, that perhaps also my inability to focus is also a result of my low levels and with just a few days of vitamins that I will have a much easier time with my studies. Because That one history class really sucks, maybe vitamin D will make it better. If not I’ve only got 4 more weeks.

You know what’s really stupid? Social Phobias.

My social anxiety isn’t that bad, but I have a really hard time talking on the phone with anyone but my immediate family. I don’t even talk to friends on the phone. I don’t know what it is about the phone but it makes me sweat. I hate calling the doctor, I hate calling about getting my car fixed. I hate calling anyone. If I didn’t talk to my mom for about an hour every day or two I would only use my phone as a phone about once a week. I have recently been working on broadening my Beachbody coaching, and I need to do a conference call with my head coach (Upline Star Diamond Coach) and a couple other coaches. Just the though of this makes me sweat, I felt instantly hot and uncomfortable thinking about it, trying to think of a way to get out of it, “I can pretend to be sick and not have a voice”, or “oh what if the baby is crying? then I’ll just have to get the abridged version of the call and take off”. Actually writing this out it all sounds so silly. I can’t believe I am trying to get out of a phone call that is intended to help me succeed.

But I am going to do it, I really have no excuse, no way out of it, and when it’s over I can think to myself just how silly it is that I was dreading it.

Stepping out of my comfort zone

I’m shy, but I love being around people.
It’s hard to explain. I don’t think I have social anxiety because I love going to restaurants, parties, hanging out with friends, I worked in customer service, I’m really great at talking to people. Once I am doing something social I enjoy it, but getting myself to do the social thing is hard. I get anxiety just thinking of getting ready to go somewhere where there will be lots of people. In Oki, Paul and I and our friends went out almost every Friday night. I would have anxiety the whole time I was getting ready to go out, but once we got out with our friends I was fine. I’m like an introverted extrovert. Thinking about moving to California, where I already know people through the Marine Corps family, but most of which I have never actually met in real life scares the crap out of me. Even thinking of seeing friends or family I haven’t seen in a while makes me anxious.
Since moving to Butte I leave the house to go shopping, or to eat. I don’t go do things by myself with E. Besides walking, which does not involve stranger interaction. All summer I was telling myself I was going to sign her up for swim lessons, or some mommy and me class at the YMCA. But I never did. 
Well today I did something that I normally wouldn’t do, Story Time at the library. I even tried to make excuses to myself as late as this morning to not go. “If E falls asleep I won’t want to wake her” as I tried to nurse her into a nap. But it’s like she knew, and she wanted to go. So at 10:30 I decided she wasn’t sleeping so I needed to get us both dressed, I needed to put some makeup on, because I can’t go out in public looking like a disheveled SAHM. 

And we went.
And it was fun.
Well parking sucked, and I almost talked myself out of going again because I couldn’t find any parking, but I parked sort of illegally and went inside.
And E really enjoyed it. 

Stepped out of my comfort zone and took E to the library for baby time today. She had fun.

And that’s the first step, I am going to try to go as often as our schedule allows. E often naps around 11, But I think this is really good for both of us though so we may have to adjust nap time to be a little later. 

Shrimpy Salad

(I could come up with a better name)

1lb of medium cooked, peeled, de-tailed shrimp
1-2 avocado cubed
2 tomato cubed
2 limes, juiced
1-2 jalapeno, seeded and diced
1 handful of cilantro coarsely chopped
1/4 red onion diced
2+ tbsp olive oil
salt and pepper to taste

combine all ingredients in a bowl, stir, season to taste. eat with spoon straight from bowl you made it in because it’s that good.
I also like to use an avacado that is really soft, because it seems to blend into the lime juice and make a sauce that is just wonderful. 
As with most of my recipes, if you don’t like something, leave it out, if you want more (like I think I’ll use more avocado next time) then put it in. 

You could also cut the shrimp into smaller pieces and eat this with chips.
Would be good on top of shrimp enchiladas, or inside tortillas as cold tacos.

The entire recipe is 22 weight watchers points! But that’s a lot to eat in one sitting…

Adapted From –

I would also like to mention I have been nominated for Voice Books Top Military Mom BlogsI would love to have your vote. The top 10 blogs will get a spot on the websitehttp://voiceboks.com/top-50-military-mom-blogs-of-2013/Thank You for your support!  Bloody Marys Count as a Salad

Time For Change

With Paul returning to the fleet (regular Marine Corps) in 3.5 months we need to make some changes in our bodies. We have both become lazy and out of shape, and though he isn’t that bad, he needs to be able to keep up with younger Marines, especially with cutbacks, The Marine Corps is about to get even more competitive. And me, well I am needing to cut the baby weight, and then some, I know I have said it before but I don’t want to be that fat wife, the one people make jokes about because she doesn’t work, she’s just fat. I just want to feel comfortable with myself, I am not looking to be a size 0 or even a 4, I just want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I have been (slowly) loosing weight with weight watchers, but I know if I had a regular workout routine I could loose weight and tone my body. One of the big steps we have taken is we have decided to try to not eat out for the rest of the month! That’s a big one, because we eat out at least once a week, if not two or three times. So at roughly $40 each time we are looking to save at least $200 if we can do it. I decided to spend part of that money that we will be saving on getting ourselves fit. We don’t really have time for a gym, it’s hard with the baby for me to be away from her since I am still exclusively breast feeding her, and I loathe pumping. Another blog I read A New Beginning Posted about a new Beachbody program that was just released, It’s a 25 min workout that promises great results. I’m a sucker for a good gimmick, but this really intrigued me, it’s a 25 min workout, and one of the reasons I slack on workouts is because even an hour is too long sometimes. I can’t just put Evey down and workout for an hour straight. But 25 min, I can do that, easy. So I got suckered in, and ordered it yesterday. I hope that because of the cost we will use it (total about $140 with shipping, but i’m doing payments). I’ll certainly have to keep you updated on my progress, it should be here early next week, so stay tuned. Maybe you’ll even get some before shots out of me, because maybe the accountability of showing the world what I look like half naked is what I need to stick to it? We’ll maybe not, not yet at least. 
  [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfi80Wf29_M]
Today I am linking up with Kara at Ramblings of a Marine Wife and the other ladies for 
Bloody Marys Count as a Salad

because they do, right? 
Well as far as my diet is concerned they do….