mommy guilt

Every now and then over the last year I have come here to write. I start something and I get detracted and almost never finish. But I feel like right now I may need an outlet, somewhere I can just blabber. I don’t know if anyone is out there anymore, but here goes.

Evelyn and Paul
Evelyn and Paul

Being a mom of more than one is hard. Right now I can’t imagine having three or more. I sometimes feel guilty that I can’t devote all the extra attention to Baby Paul that I did to Evelyn. Because now I need to care for and interact with both of them. Also I feel guilty because I feel like Evelyn isn’t getting as much of me as she should be, as she wants. We don’t play much anymore. I’ve got school work, I’m tired, I need to shower, I need to clean. There is always a reason. She understands, and she is really good at occupying herself. But I feel mom guilt. It doesn’t help that I’m not really sleeping. According to my fitbit last week I averaged 4 hours and 7 minutes a night. That’s nuts. I don’t think that’s healthy. It’s been like that for over a month. I want to play with my babies, I want to have fun, I want to have energy. But I’m tired and I have work to do. I feel like my poor husband is getting shorted too. We don’t have alone time. We don’t really trust anyone but family with the kids, and we have no family here. He is very busy too, with us getting ready to move, and some staff changes at work he is working long hours and often brings work home.

Schools is going very well I am pretty sure I finished my Associates in Child Development last semester, but I didn’t get my application for graduation done on time so I have to apply this semester and I wont get it until May/June. I am getting closer and closer to my Bachelors in History. I should have that completed this fall. I could do it sooner but we are moving overseas in May/June/July and traveling to visit family this spring, so I am keeping my spring semester very light. I am hoping to pick up one summer class and then finish in the fall.

I have been trying to prepare for moving, I have been listening to the Konmari method book (sorry the name escapes me) on audible. I want to finish the book before I start tidying up my life, but it’s been slow. Plus my house is just messy, I am working on dealing with it. We need to downsize before we move, I would rather just get rid of so much of our stuff before, instead of storing a bunch. I want to be a tidy person, I just have too much stuff.

We have been working on our medical preparation for Japan. That’s really the biggest hurdle, showing that the whole family is medically fit to go there. They have medical available, but there are certain conditions that they do not treat, or do not have the facilities to treat, so if you have a chronic condition that requires followup medical care they need to be sure you can get that care. I don’t think we have anything that will hold us  back but there is still a lot of paperwork and appointments.

I have also been dabbling in Vlogging. It’s fun to make videos. It’s fun to edit them. But I am self conscious so I am struggling with them. I think that is part of what is holding me back and motivating me. I want to be more comfortable in myself. Also with us moving overseas soon I want to have a video record for my family, and maybe I can help someone else along the way.

I think I am going to try writing again, even if it’s just once a week, just to empty my brain. This felt good.

You know what’s hard to do?

It’s hard to be a full time student, and stay at home mom of 2 kids (the youngest of which has just found himself mobile!), and take my daughter to school 3 days a week, and keep my house in some sense of liveable, and keep meals prepared, and sleep…

and blog.

I have been sucking at it.

For that I am sorry.

But if you are still here….

I have an exciting announcement.

If you follow me on Instagram, then you already may know.


New adventures are on the horizon.

I am going to do my best to write about the experience. I also have been making some videos lately if you find yourself on Youtube you should check me out!



If you didn’t know November is National Blog Posting Month. This is something I have tried to participate in a few times, posting goals of posting every day or something impossible, and I have never succeeded for one reason or another. November seems to be a busy month in my personal life. Holidays, Anniversaries, we are frequently traveling and once or twice we were moving.

I have also noticed I often make lofty goals and share them with the world, and then fail miserably. These goals get stuffed back into the closet never to be spoke of again.

So this year I made my NaBloPoMo goal of posting more this month, sort of my re-introduction back into blogging after my “school is overwhelming” hiatus.  But I didn’t tell anyone. For two reasons, one my goal was just for me, two if I failed I didn’t have to be sad. My goal was also very light, post two times a week. Although I haven’t quite kept up with the twice a week posting, I have posted once a week. So I consider that a success!

Did anyone else have writing goals this moth? Did you achieve them?

Fixing my mistake

When I switched from blogger, here to wordpress, I made a mistake.
I just copied all my content here, and left Fractured Fairy Tales up.
I just learned that when the google bots search through the internets if they find copied content, they will block the new source from google searches.

This site talks a bit about it

So, more or less, since most of my posts are directly copied from Fractured Fairy Tales, google sees the new site here as a copy cat. So my stuff isn’t going to come up in google searches. Which explains how I only get 1 or 2 hits a week, and it’s from my self promotion on Facebook. I have been getting Zero hits from google searches. But the old blog is getting a hundred or so hits a day still.

I am working on redirecting to the new site, but for the time being I have made the old page private.

I am also working on getting self hosted and getting a domain name. That should maybe happen in the next couple of days, It’s something I want to do now while the blog is still quiet, and my follower base is still small.

In closing, here is a picture I took on my birthday at Target. Someone was having fun with the letters.

iPhone 6 July 121

Going Live in 3…2…1…

Lets Do This!

Okay so since 2007 I have been Fractured Fairy Tales. But for a little over a year I have felt like I wanted to change. Or at least move here to wordpress. I have finally decided to take the plunge and move over. I have brought all my old blog posts with me. But I have changed my name. From here forward I will be ADVENTURES IN ALANA LAND!  I am very excited about this change. I am also hoping to take this opportunity to blog and vlog more. The semester is winding down and I only have two classes left to finish and I am hoping to wrap them up in the next couple of days. I have 4 credits this summer, and I am hoping they will be easy ones. So on to funner things, Photography, Blogging and Vlogging!

I hope you enjoy the new page! Let me know what you think!


I have been thinking about rebranding the last couple of weeks. Changing my name, and moving to wordpress. I’ve been fractured fairy tales since day one. Way back in 2007 when I first started writing, just for fun, as my own personal diary. I don’t really know what I would call myself. Maybe “Alana’s Little Adventures” “Adventures of Alana” “Little Adventures” “Alana Loves Wine” 

I dunno.But I feel like it’s time for a change. 

Visit Alana’s profile on Pinterest.
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